you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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