Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
