i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
