Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Say something about gay babies.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
