her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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