Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
