Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
