he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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