u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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