just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
