Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
