We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize