sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
