Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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