He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
