Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
