i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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