I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
