After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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