i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
