What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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