Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
