i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
