I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
