Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize