The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
