i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
