So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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