Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize