yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
