bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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