You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
