God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
