we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
