What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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