Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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