well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
