if you like me you must not know who I am
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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