I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just pynch a tree in the face
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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