If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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