How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
