Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
