i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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