What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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