Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
