Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
