How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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