I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
