He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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