i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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