Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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