is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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