my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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