here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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