So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
