I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
