If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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