i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
