You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
