why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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