so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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