First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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