i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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