I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
