Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dick very happy bro
These tits shall not be calmed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
