Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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