HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
