After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So. Much. Porn.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
