im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
