Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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