I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
