just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
