I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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