I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why did my mother make you get naked?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
