just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm at about main and main street
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
